The Last Endorsement, by God!

He was a surprise guest on the fourth day of the Republican Convention (if we follow the King James version): “And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.” Donald Trump was seen to introduce his trump card with the words, “The Almighty, ladies & gentlemen!” And he wasn’t talking about himself.

There was as much booing as there was polite applause. People did not seem overawed, possibly because the Almighty had chosen to appear in the garb of an Old Testament prophet – as adviced by His campaign managers, it seems. ‘This is a Christian Nation,’ they had told Him, ‘with a whole lot more Moslems & Latinos & Blacks & LGBT & women’s libbers than the country needs. But it still happens to be the GOP Convention. For God’s sake remember that You are here to endorse Donald and not behave like that rat Ted Cruz.’

The Almighty seemed confused: ‘I’m here to endorse Donald Duck, my secretary said.’

‘You should get rid of that secretary of Yours. She’s worse than Melania’s speech writer. How long has she been working for You?’

‘Oh, an eternity.’

‘Didn’t she show You Donald’s hand-written invitation to attend the Republican jamboree? And we mean Donald Trump.’

‘She did say something about the Last Trump.’

‘This is no time for jokes. The point is, are You going to endorse Donald or not? By the way, are You a Republican at all? They should have checked before letting You on to the jumbotrons.’

‘I am a democrat, I believe.’

Pandemonium, Almighty looking confused.

‘Didn’t anybody tell You not to use the D-word in Cleveland?’

‘Which D-word, Donald or Duck?’

‘Ha ha, very funny. You know something? Mitch McConnell would have made a better GOD than you. It means Grand Old Dad, I take it?’

‘Sort of. But doesn’t democrat mean someone who lets people have their way, have what they want? I have left mankind in peace since – oops, Ms de la Creación told me I am here to endorse candidates and not religions. What I want to say is that I have always left mankind in peace to make all the wars that they want. I think that is very democratic, even if it is unusual for me to sing my own praise, or to use capitals for Me and My.’

‘But You created mankind! You put them in this condition in which Hillary Clinton, a woman who couldn’t keep her husband in check while in the White house, is now threatening to go right back in there with the same husband!’

‘She’s got a husband?’

‘The one that used to play saxophone in dark glasses, they say the best among American Presidents.’

‘Was he, or is he – I never know my way around with these tenses – the best President America ever had?’

‘The best saxophone playing President America ever had, until Donald learns how to play the trumpet.’

‘Can you get elected for that? Something like America’s got talent?’

‘You watch TV in Heaven?’

‘We watch everything in Heaven – see, Della, I got the capital right!’

‘Who’s Della?’

‘My secretary, Maria de la Creación. She didn’t want to sound like a Latino at the GOP convention, sitting next to Melania and Ivanka. So she chose Della – from de la Creación. She feels so old, Della said, ouroboros years old. She just wanted to be herself, gorgeous Della Creación for once – I don’t know what that means.’

‘What’s ouroboros?’

‘It’s a snake swallowing its own tale. You know ∞, the sign of infinity? That’s an ouroboros.’

‘Is Somebody making fun of us, fun of the GOP, fun of America which will be great again? Does that Someone, Who shall remain unnamed, want us to get tough?’

‘See Della? That’s why I didn’t want to come!’

‘I knew you were no Perry Mason – that’s a double conjunctive btw. Just don’t disappear before the photo op. It’s taken me a trillion years to do up my hair.’


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